i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
