dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Randomize
