I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
