I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
