Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
