My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
