...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
