Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
