cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
