My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
