3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
