Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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