i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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