This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
