Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
