I'm really into asian looking animals
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
