i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
