I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
