Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
