I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
