Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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