Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I met the friendliest cop last night
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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