is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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