it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
