Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
