maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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