I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
