i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
