How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
