your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
