Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
