How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
40s are totally the cure
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
