btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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