He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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