best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
