did you get engaged???
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
