she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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