she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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