Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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