at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
