seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
