this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
