Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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