I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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