I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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