I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
