Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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