When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
