If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
