I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
