I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We are two peas in an std pod
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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